Its been a long while. I've been trying to do some living. Now I am thinking I want to live and tell everyone about it while I still can.
Sometimes it takes awhile for bad news to sink in. Like hearing that you have Pulmonary Hypertension and your live expectancy is 3 to 5 years. Oh and now we are going to put you on some shitty drugs, that hurt like hell, and try to make you last a few more months. The only 'cure' you can't have, because you still have SLE. I really try not to re-think about these things. They are just facts of life for me at this point.

There is good news, wonderful news. I now am living with both my daughters. Pooh and Rabbit are in the same town and under the same roof (until we find a place) They are so very happy. As am I!! If you have a long life ahead of you then by all means follow your dreams and be the person that will make you happy. You're kids deserve the right to see you happy. But if like me you find yourself with fewer years than you can really think about its time to realize that sometimes what makes you happy is just having your family, raising your kids is more than enough. I want to spend my last few years getting as much mother/daughter time as I can. One day they will wake up and I will no longer be here. I will be memories to them, I want to make sure they have enough memories to last them a lifetime. I want to know that they can always remember my love for them, my hugs, my kisses. I want them to know that they are my happiness! They are the top of my bucket list.

Now on to my...
 Bucket List:
  1. Raise Pooh and Rabbit!
  2. Go to Saint Simons Island/Jekyll Island Georgia with my family. Take family photos on Drift Wood Beach.
  3. Get another tattoo. This one on my arm reading "The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep"
  4. Have a vacation in the mountain. Anywhere in the mountains, for a few days.
  5. Go to ACT and SECT.
  6. Take the girls to Disney World.
  7. Have David get legal custody of Rabbit.
  8. Take one weekend alone with David somewhere new.
  9. Go to Ren Faire and/or Dragon Con.
Last but most unlikely-

      9. Go on a few month RV trip with the girls, across as much of the USA as possible.

If anyone is interested in helping me and my family enjoy a few of these adventures please feel free to email me at dizzydownward@yahoo.com. I tried to keep my list very realistic and short. I am sure there are a million other things that I could put but these are the ones that really matter to me. I want as many different and fun memories as possible for my family before I go.

These are my dreams, but for my reality we just need a home. We have been homeless for two months now and we still haven't found any thing. Its like no one will give us a break, or have a heart. Everyone is worried about their money. As far as the government, they don't have any flats available. I am unable to go up stairs and all they have are townhouses. So I'd be stuck on the second floor. How do you make memories when you can't even leave your own house? 

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