MCTD

I talk about how much lupus sucks but I don't often get to talk about my Mixed Connective Tissue Disease. Today it hurts. Today I feel like I'm dying. my hips are killing me. They are throbbing. I can't keep my balance. I can't walk to the bathroom. I don't usually cry from pain. I didn't even stop cracking jokes when they where digging around in my arm. But this makes me cry. I hurts sooo badly.
I'm trying not to be depressed but I can't seem to find the other side. I want to be on the other side and be okay with everything. I want to figure out how to live my life. Dying doesn't scare me. It's the living between now and then. Or rather the lack of living. j How do I start moving forward. I have been waiting for my disability to start getting on our feet. Now that has already taken three years. I'm still waiting. Bucket list aren't cheap. There are things I really really want to do. There are things.
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep"