Life goes on

Went to my cardiologist (who won't be my cardiologist after today.) This is the guy who told me in February that basically I was lazy. I was sent to him in Feb. due to my symptoms and he did a heart echo and then a stress test, according to him he didn't find anything wrong. Then by June I was in full blown PAH, like thru the roof pressures. So my rehumy asked me to go back to him. I agree, but guess I shouldn't have. He comes in and doesn't have a single clue whats going on. He thinks that I was dx before he saw me in Feb., therefore he has forgot that he called me lazy. Then informs me once you have symptoms the disease is full blown, and I said that I have had symptoms since December at least. He doesn't seem to realize that means he totally missed a serious disease and now I have to pay the price. I ended up spending the night crying. I hate my Drs are apathetic, it just kind hurts.

But I don't have time to think about that. Rabbbit's birthday is July 26th. I have to figure out what to do for her, with her, or buy her. I asked her and she almost had a melt down. I guess you don't ask a kid who never gets anything what she wants. It's like their is a back log of things she would like to have and no clue what to ask for 1st. I was thinking going out for a movie and food. She isn't sure about it. Me and David are going to try to go tomorrow morning and see if we can find something that just says 'buy me'. I wish I could get her everything she wants. Next to David she is the most understand person. She gets how sick I am on a level that adults don't care to understand. She is the most sweet and caring child. I wish I could just give her the world. Kids and their unconditional love :)

I miss my Pooh. I don't know what to do about it anymore. What is the best thing for her? Do I leave her alone or do I jump in both feet? Breaks my heart to have to think about these things. I have messed up when it comes to her. There is no way to save the past but how to I figure the future. Whatever future I have.