Go Figure

So I have been MIA, I know. I have been working a full time job and trying to spend time with my daughter and boyfriend. Guess I will have more time to keep up with my blog now. My boss told me yesterday that he was going to 'lighten my load'... which in english means, I am not doing what they need me to. I have missed a bit of work. My boss seems to think I don't realize this, like some how laying in bed unable to move slips your mind. He only sees that I am not at work. He doesn't get to see me at home trying to get my clothes off or that my boyfriend is having to wash my hair. But as I understand he is just trying to run his business. Thats why I can't be mad. Just kinda hurt my pride, I knew it was coming. I had already had a converstation with my boyfriend about needing to cut back my hours till my 'flare' was under control.
I should have a new doctor within the next month. I am currently trying to figure out ways to control my lupus without all the drugs. Nothing has helped much yet but I have high hopes that something might, soon. If not I am not going to have stomach left from all the NSAI. I have been a little down today, or rather a lot down. I hate being depressed but when you can't make a god damn fist what the hell else are you suppose to feel. I have been trying to keep a smile on my face and laughing at the pain. I want to feel 'normal' just for a day... once, just once PLEASE! I am sick of being looked at like I am crazy by my co-workers. They tend to think that I am whinning or better yet that I am lazy. Today my hands where so swollen I could bearly hold a knife but I was still at work. Most days I just feel like quiting. Giving up on everything. Eh... this to shall pass, eventually, i hope.....

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