2.17.2009

Fighting the uphill battle.

Well I am no longer employed. Yes, technically I quit. The reason I quit is that I couldn't do my job. For that matter I couldn't even bath myself or turn the car on. How can you work a job that requires you to cut bread and such if you can't even turn the car on? I was sick of eveyone where I worked thinking I was just lazy. I am not by far lazy, yes sometimes I let the lupus get the better of me and crawl into bed and cry, as a general rule I am fighting tooth and nail to be normal. I add insult to injury my boyfriends parents seem to think there was some way for me to avoid this fate. I had talked to my boss already about changing my shift and he said no. It was going to be his way or now way, well my body didn't agree with his way. I know when I am pusing to hard, I know when I am at the brink of a major hospital stay. I was there, days away infact. I am still hoping that I can avoid that fate. Eveyone seems to think I don't want a job. I thrive on being independant and making my own money. Its the only time I feel whole as a person. I have already spent two days job hunting and I only quit yesterday. I called Vocational Rehabilitation Service and have an appointment friday. Hopefully they will be of some help to me. It is hard to find a job in this economical climate, I understand but when you can only do certain jobs its even harder. The hardest part of it is that I don't know when I am going to be able to see Pooh again, without any source of income. I have even considered sending Rabbit back to her father till me and my boyfriend(DB) can get on our feet. I hate impossing on other people and their kindness but I also hate feeling the way they look at me. I want nothing more than to be 'normal' physically. I want to work and support my family!

2 comments:

  1. Your not normal. The only way your going to be able to survive all of this is to accept things for what they are. If you were trying to help yourself instead of hurting yourself, then you might stand a chance.
    You have to make yourself a new life, a new life with lupus. Not a normal life. Thats not going to happen.
    Just a thought.
    ((Easy Hugs))

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  2. Daddy Z18.2.09

    I agree with Amy.. Normal is gone. Sorry, but you're just gonna keep killing yourself if you don't face that soon. =( Just my opinion though.. Take care. Give Rabbit hugs for meh...

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