This morning I woke up with no intention of blogging, not due to want but more to inability. I normally blog either right before I go to bed or as soon as I wake up. Just keeps things fresh and I seem to have a better train of thought. Last night I have another ‘episode’; came home and passed out. Today when I woke up I was still in a fog and could not get my brain to get moving. I tried to think of things but no luck. Now after spending most of the day in bed, or half-dead, I am feeling a little better. So I wanted to try to blog after all. I do not want to start missing days and then letting it get out of hand.
I heard one of the most tragic things yesterday. I do not watch much TV or news. I really do like to keep up on current events. I just do not have the patients for the current state of the world. It is no one’s fault but our own that does not make it any more enjoyable to deal with. When Daddy Z told me about the 8year old boy who was shot because he asked another boy to be his Valentines, I was over come. My brain could not wrap around the idea at all. I am still in shock. I missed the part where some 8year old has enough hate and disconnection from reality to feel the need to kill another child; then again I may be the one so disconnected from society to be shocked by this. It hurts my soul to know that this happened. I am truly a cynical person, but when it comes to children it takes far less to shock me. What does this say about the killers parents, more to the point about us. We are all human, as human we are not the most caring creatures. I do not believe we are intentional evil creatures either. I believe that we can easily learn to care and be compassionate; or at least to be respectful enough of others lives. I think that the jaded and cynical part is something learned with time and experience. I am not sheltered enough to think that by 8 someone hasn’t seen enough to not be jaded, but as jaded as this? I have two children; I could not imagine them having the ability to kill someone else. I know they are not all sweet and innocent. How much would I have failed as a mother to: 1) let my child get in a state where killing is even an option 2) to not notice that they are carrying a gun?