Depression

I should be blogging more often but sometimes its all I can do to keep up on what day of the week it is. I feel like a ballon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Everything is swollen and achy. I have started taking painkillers to help. I hate taking painkillers. It makes me feel like I am a weak person, someone who can't handle the pain. I know I shouldn't feel this way but sometimes logic doesn't get a say so in how I feel. On the bright side, I have a doctor. He is going to get me a Rehumy. I'm excited and terrified. I don't know what all is wrong with my body anymore. I know I am worse than I ever have been. I'm scared of what meds they are going to put me on, but I know my girls need this. The girls need their mommy to be well again.
Pooh started soccer. She is so good, if she'd just pay attention. She is loving it. If only all the rude and snotty kids would act right. I am not one to teach my daughter to be mean, she is very sweet and giving, but if another one of those snotty kids gets in her face I won't be upset if she pushes them. Violence bad, I know, it just annoys me.
I am trying to plan a trip for Rabbit to go see her daddy for a few weeks. Its not that I don't want her to go, I just know I will miss her to much. I am only getting her a few days a week anyway, usually I am to sick to keep up with her, which breaks my heart. I want her here with me, but its not fair to have to spend the night at other peoples houses all the time.
DAMNIT I want my life back! I want to be healthy again! You'd think after three years I would have gotten better at dealing with it but i guess not.