Guilt With a Side of Dishes...

Its an emotion that all of us feel at some point in our lives. We are human, it comes naturally. I have found myself feeling more guilty for things I can not control than I use to. Like right now my girls are at their grandparents houses. This isn't a bad thing, their grandparents take good care of them. I just feel guilty because I am suppose to be taking care of them. They are suppose to be home with me. It is a bit selfish of me to think like this because I know I can not provide them with the best care. I know as soon as I get feeling good enough to be able to take good care of them that they will be home. Until then I will feel that twinge of guilt. Sometimes that twinge is far more than a twinge and all I want to do I wrap my girls up in a big hug and not let go!

I finally gave in yesterday and took something for the unyielding pain that I have been feeling. I take medication for the lupus but when I have a flare it can get unbearable. The past two days have been hospital worthy, but I stuck it out (good or bad I am stubborn) I am starting to feel human again. Which is good because I am about to go crazy having to lay down while there is three days worth of house work waiting to be done. Daddy Z will do it, eventually, and he will do it with a smile. I just need/want to get it done on my own. I am the one who is the at-home-mom and he is the 'bread winner'. This works for us wonderfully. Granted that now I am trying to get my disability but its almost impossible to survive on one income these days. I am very prideful about my house, its the one thing I can have control over. I want it to look like I care.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous23.8.08

    Hi dizzydownward,

    My name is Justin Guild and I’m a graduate research assistant currently working with Dr. Jeong-Nam Kim (http://www.cla.purdue.edu/communication/people/jnkim.shtml) at Purdue University on a health communication study.

    Specifically, our research explores how information sharing behavior through online communities influences coping strategies among people with chronic conditions including cancer, diabetes, lupus, etc.

    I’m contacting you to seek permission to place a link to our online web survey on your blog to invite readers and other visitors to participate. The survey is purely academic in nature and takes no longer than 5-7 minutes to complete.

    The web survey can be found by clicking on this link: http://www.createsurvey.com/c/70237-Os3LDl/

    In the survey, we use the term “blog” to refer to any online activity where you might read or share information in communities such as personal web logs, internet forums, and discussion boards.

    The findings of this study could lead to better management capacities of chronic diseases as well as an increase in funding for research related to online communities.

    If you have any questions, or would like additional information, please don’t hesitate to contact me at jguild@purdue.edu.

    Thank you for your time and consideration.


    Justin Guild